Managing Stress

Managing Stress by understanding our innate knowledge patterns and emotional needs


Caveman instincts

As is well recognised, the fight/flight response or stress response is an emotional and physical way of coping that has been part of human behaviour since we were living in caves, fighting off big scary sabre-tooth tigers! As you could well imagine the emotional response needed by our ancestors would have needed to be quick and decisive, very black and white. No room for error and definitely no opportunity for our logical mind to come in and analyse how best to respond!

Fast forward to the present day and this way of responding is still hardwired into our brains. We typically have three ways of coping when our stress response kicks in; run away, freeze and play dead or fight back. Our body acts very quickly, heart rate and blood pressure soar and most non essential functions shut down. In this state of stress we are driven by our emotions to make sure we react quickly and prioritise. We will think and behave in extremes of black and white, to effectively deal with what is a perceived survival situation. Of course when we are calmer and off a state of red alert, our mind of logic and reason is there again for us to access. This ability to access our rational mind only when calm is important to recognise if we want to change our responses and behaviour for the better!

The REM state:

Also of interest is the biological understanding that if we stay in this high emotional state, when stressed, for longer than about two minutes we simultaneously power into action the REM state, whose primary function is for learning. In this context it is there in the unconscious background, taking copious mental notes. This may be to avoid, or approach carefully, any situation that is either the same or similar to the one we are experiencing when stressed. Sometimes we will keep, in our more immediate memory, anything about that experience that is particularly traumatic to remind us of what to avoid. A clever survival tactic that unfortunately is a key cause of a phobia or post traumatic stress.

So, for example, witnessing a traumatic accident involving a red bus could then lead to someone having a phobia of red buses in the future, if that is what the brain tags onto from the accident. This is simply the emotional mind trying to keep us safe no matter how silly the rational mind thinks we are! So like a car alarm that goes off at the slightest bit of wind, our in built stress response can react inappropriately and in reaction to a situation that is perceived as dangerous

However in most situations once the stressful moment has passed we can get on with our lives and put it into the context of a past event, and with that goes the initial emotional impact.

Emotional Arousal:

It is important to note that a full blown stress response will only happen if we get past a certain point of emotional arousal, or simply put when our emotions get the better of us. This could be “the straw that breaks the camel’s back” situation where there has been a build up of stress or the difference between being involved in a minor or more serious car accident. Of course we all have our own limitations for what will set off this response. So what we can learn from this is that the better we are at managing our emotions the easier it is to recover from a stressful situation, put it behind us and move on.

Our Stress Bucket:

We can liken it to a bucket that is there to stop a leaky pipe; ideally you need to check and empty the bucket regularly, to make sure there is ample space to allow the water to keep dripping in. If we regularly process any unhelpful emotions that inevitably come into our lives, we give ourselves the space and mental capacity to enjoy life, and deal with any unexpected stress that comes along. If we leave them unchecked and ignored they will eventually overflow and cause excess stress. Managing our emotions is a valuable way of bringing an element of control into our lives, which is particularly helpful when managing stress.

Breaking the pattern:

There is a simple yet powerful adage; “If you always do what you have always done, you’ll always get what you have always got” When we feel down, anxious or stressed it can seem very difficult to look out from under the clouds, take stock and consider what changes we can make to improve our situation. As we know, because these states arouse our emotions, our focus is typically very black and white, so it’s much harder for us to see the shades of grey and get a sense of perspective.

What resources do we possess to make the change we desire?

So with this understanding you can see how, only when you are calmer and more in control, can you really prepare and develop a strategy for those inevitable emotional times. Nearly all of us can remember times when we have cheered ourselves up and seen the positive, brighter side of life, or simply felt calmer and more in control. Learning, in detail, exactly how we do this can give us a powerful tool for coping in difficult times. When we are resourceful what exactly do we say to ourselves internally? Do we do something physically to change our situation for the better? Do we go somewhere different? Who do we speak to? What positive inspiring past experience can we recall? It is usually the small changes that can set into motion the bigger differences.

In any emotional mood or thought change there is nearly always an external trigger of some kind. Recognising the trigger and then understanding the pattern or routine that follows allows you to interrupt and make changes. This then gives you back an element of control and changes the outcome. It’s like the process involved in turning right when driving a car; braking, changing gear, looking in our mirror and all the other tiny elements of the process. Yet if we decide to use the left indicator instead of the right the result may completely change.

Small incremental steps lead to giant leaps towards change

To really improve your chances of success and break the pattern you need to be willing to try making lots of small, different changes to see what works for you. For example if you tend to feel down at the end of the day when you get home, put some inspiring music on instead of watching TV, make plans to call a friend, or allocate a specific time to feeling down before doing something different. The key is to be prepared and approach your emotional mood as a process which you can take back control of and improve, using small changes.

Everyday Stress and Anxiety Management

We know today’s busy world can negatively affect our anxiety and stress levels. Unless we decide to have no contact with the human world there will always be opportunities for stress to be present. Yet let’s remember there are many subtle everyday forms of anxiety and stress which motivate us into action and enable us to live our lives well, so it is clear we can comfortably manage stress and anxiety at a certain level.

It is when stress and anxiety overwhelm us that problems can be created and this is where it is very helpful to put into practice the theory of managing our emotional state. We want to be able to manage and control our response to stress before it becomes a problem, and if it does, know how to recover quickly with minimal impact to our wellbeing. This means we can then function normally by feeling in control and calm, by making rational decisions and by giving ourselves options and choices.

A key strategy for managing stress and anxiety:

Just as the stress response is a remnant from out ancient past, the ways that we are best able to prevent, manage, and recover from stress today, would have probably been the same.

Emotional completion

As humans, completion is an important way for us to be able to move forward and commit a thought, emotion or action to the past. We all know how frustrating it is when we forget the name of somebody and have that “it’s on the tip of our tongue” feeling, or unexpectedly and temporarily stop a task we are in the middle of. There is a sense of relief and achievement when we remember the name or finally get to finish the task, and quite often it’s not even that important anymore!

There is a powerful link to this act of completion, of going from a beginning to an end, and to managing stress. As we know when we experience a stressful situation, the fight or flight response is triggered to a greater or lesser degree. This is a biological process that needs to complete, and if it doesn’t happen the emotion can stay in our mental “pending tray” for stress to remain after the event.

The most recent research has revealed that the main purpose for dreaming is to metaphorically diffuse and process uncompleted, high level emotions from the previous day. The dream/REM state is a stage of sleep that is very similar to our awake state, so too much REM sleep and we can typically wake feeling exhausted, which can lead to a vicious circle of increased daytime stress, which can also increase the likelihood of depression.

So having this awareness and knowing how to reduce our stress through completing our emotions is a valuable tool, during times of intense or consistent stress.

One of the simplest and most effective exercises is to sit down at the end of a stressful day and give ourselves the time to firstly relax, by focusing on our breathing, before then observing any stressful emotions or thoughts. Observing them with low emotional attachment makes it easier to come to a resolution, even if that may be to accept it is out of your control.

Complimentary strategies for stress management:


Most of us are so used to being bombarded with information that stimulates our brains on such a constant basis, that it would be a shock for most to go back in time and live like we did thirty years ago, never mind in our caveman days. To truly give our mind a chance to recharge we need very low levels of stimulus, such as reading, listening to music, or of course meditation, yoga or any form of light exercise. Relaxing at times when you are not stressed has far more impact and benefit in managing potential stress over the long term, compared to attempting to relax when you are already stressed.


Fight or flight (exercise) activates our immune system and allows the physical energy and emotions related to any stress to be used effectively and released, freeing up space for new emotions to be present. This is one of the simplest and most effective ways to prevent and manage stress, so it is important that you find a type of exercise that you enjoy and is accessible on a regular basis. It ideally needs to raise the heart rate slightly above resting, yet not necessarily higher. What is important is that it is regular, ideally once a day and for at least twenty minutes.


By understanding our innate patterns for stress management and our emotional needs, and relating these strategies to today’s world, the benefits of this approach can be better understood and valued. This is especially true when combined with the traditional and complimentary stress management approach, encompassing relaxation and exercise.


Ref; Human Givens A New Approach To Emotional Health and Clear Thinking by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell

Lawrence Michaels DHypPsych is a Hypnotherapist, Psychotherapist and NLP Practitioner specialising in Anxiety Management and Performance Improvement based in Brighton and London. His website is and he is offering a 30% discount for the first session in June 2010 when quoting Ref FM10