“Welcome abroad life airlines flight 101 destination unknown. The flight will take an indeterminate time and there will certainly be turbulence. There will most likely be delays but we will get you there in the end, no exceptions. Should you wish to arrive early emergency exits are readily accessible though please check with your travel agent if you are allowed to use them.
Food is in plentiful supply in the flight but will only be served to those in first and business class. Your seat allocation will be entirely by chance. Ample inflight entertainment and duty-free is however available to all however to distract you from this situation. Please remain in your seats with seat-belts fastened to make things easier for the cabin staff. You may nit smoke inside the flight however huge noxious clouds of CO2 are being emitted outside the airplane constantly. Headphones are provided should you wish to not engage with other passengers who we appreciate are sitting uncomfortably close and breathing the recycled air inside. The quality of the journey will depend largely upon your ability to get along with the other passengers however and your ability to overcome the natural fear of flying and wrestle control from the flight drew who are insane terrorists on Satan’s payroll.
A short and entirely useless safety announcement will follow. Let’s face it, all control is an illusion and we’re all going to die.
Have a nice flight.”
The things I come up with to amuse myself during while waiting for delayed Easy Jet flights to take off. You can’t put a seat-belt on this dark little imagination 🙂